Why I think its so good -
Christmas can really be a hard time!!! Seriously, it can just suck!! It seems to amplify loss and disappointment. Memories that can only remain memories because of the loss of a loved one, unfulfilled dreams and disappointments seem to be all we can think about.
A bit about me - so you will get why, I know Christmas can hurt!
The setting - I grew up on a farm and ranch, Grandma lived down the road and dad was nearly always around. My sister is 7 years younger. As a little girl, I remember my mom and dad longing for another child. I even remember sitting on the steps outside an adoption agency, as they talked to someone about this option. I, also remember the pink housecoat my mom wore after she had taken 1970's fertility drugs then gave birth to my little sister. My mom is 14 years younger than her brother. If you are seeing a pattern here, we are not the most fertile bunch. The dream of a household full of kids and chaos was not only my dream but my moms as well. We both had envisioned a large family, bursting with noise and children. We have both had to mourn that dream, give it to God, and let Him replace it with His divine love.
The setting - Dad is in his forties and has been fighting cancer for a few years. I am out of college and my husband and I just celebrated our one year anniversary. I prayed, "God, if dad isn't going to live another 5 years, maybe I should have a baby so he can see a grandchild." I don't recommend this kind of prayer, leave the "if" part out! I was pregnant the next month. Our daughter was a little over a year old when dad passed away on... yes - December 26th. To add to the sadness of the timing of his death, my sister had planned a big beautiful wedding on that New Years Eve. Knowing dad would not make it until the weekend, the pastor came out to the house and married them in the living room so dad could be there. Strangely prophetic, she had chosen black for her wedding color and on New Years Eve we did celebrate their wedding. But after, all I could do was hurt, all my sister could do was hurt. Our mom, plugged on, surviving - as she put it. The tears pour as I write this and it was over 20 years ago. Christmas was no longer fun, it was a time when a dark cloud seemed to want to overtake me and send my mind into an internal downward pity party spiral. Christmas was not what it used to be with dad gone, and praise God we still had Grandma a few more years cause after she passed it was even more strange. Our family had changed so much. Christmas as I had known it in the past was gone. Christmas as I had dreamed of for my future, for my own family, was nothing like I had hoped for either, as year after year our daughter did not have a sibling to fight with or play with. Truthfully, I didn't grasp the true miracle of our daughter and the amazing grace of this answered prayer for many many years and after I had exasperated every medical attempt we could afford. I finally came to grips with the fact I was infertile. Some dreams die hard, but God is gentle.
Truth is, Christmas can amplify loss, pain and unfulfilled dreams. And sometimes we just survive it. BUT- God is gentle and I did not know back then what I know now. So please hear me! As Christians, His Spirit, the hope of glory lives within us! Not just beside us, like an invisible friend or the all seeing God looking down from above. We don't have to try to be strong and put on our big girl panties! I would always cry at night so no one would know. Please do not do what I did- shed your tears of grief and disappointment with loved ones, with your church family, so they can pray for you, and most importantly keep the mental awareness that the Spirit of God is loving on your soul at the same time you are hurting. Again, do not do what I did, give your hurt and disappointments to Him and stop of all the trying! Honestly, I was often my own worse enemy and my imagination was so unhelpful! I wish I had not been such a slow learner, and a stubborn butt thinking I could do it. BECAUSE WE CAN"T! All we can do is surrender to His sweet, loving, healing Spirit.
Please take time to listen to Pastor Robert Morris's message. Let's STOP letting the enemy beat us up!! Let's let Him love on us!